And I just can’t seem to get away
There’s no such thing as escape,
Even with the sedatives
You’re always in the same state,
Clutching to a limbo scene.
You’re never changing anything,
You just stop the shaking.
And it’s constantly repeated through the days.

i cant remember good days
im so over all this shit
one day ill leave and never come back 

she’s my best girl
she’s got six strings
she knows all about these
heartbreak and things
and though her eyes might not shine
she’s always by my side
hell, she’s all mine
for all night
she’s my best girl by far
she’s all mine
for all night
and she’ll never break my heart

Tonight is my first sober night in 9 days.
I don’t like it at all.

I also figured where alot of my mental problems come from, this I had to figure on my own because talking to other people about this kind of thing is impossible. Well anyone besides sham.

It was my brothers 10th birthday today, well yesterday.
The day mum told me she was having another baby I went through so many emotions in the space of maybe 5 minutes.
I was happy, for mum and my dad.
I was excited to finally have a sibling.
Sad, I wasnt going to be the last grandchild (this refers to my dah)
Left out, for the first time in 9 years I was faced with the fact that it truly wasn’t just mum and I anymore.
Jealousy, that this babies life was going to be completely different to mine.
Haha it was quite funny just how much I thought about in those few couple of minutes. I started off by laughing and a minute later bawling my eyes out.
I love him though, even if he drives me insane 99% of the time.
Happy birthday angus!
It is also my second mums birthday today, Sams mother. I love her so much and the relationship we have developed over the years.

In other news, I have -37c in my bank account
Afternoon swims in the pool listening to Bruce springsteen while drinking a beer has become my favourite thing
I was asked out on a date hahah
I want to find the so called underground pool somewhere in Newcastle
Finding places with amazing views has also become a favourite past time

Here’s lookin at you kid

The dream I had last night was so realistic i feel like crying now
Why couldn’t it have been true

I can’t function today I’m so hungover
I ruined something last night
Almost jumped off a bridge into a river
Swam in all clothes at 3am
Blacked out any respect I have for myself
Last little bit of trust I had is gone
Crying without any control till I shook
Ergh